her vagina looked like bernie madoff
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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