ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
