Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
