I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
