I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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