i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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