help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
