Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
