how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
