so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
