The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
