Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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