Everything about him screamed your future.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
