i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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