The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
