I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
