dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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