I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
