But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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