My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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