very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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