my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
