i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
