Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
