He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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