Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
