2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
