A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
