What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
