There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
