My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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