I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
