I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
