im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
