I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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