tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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