normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
