I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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