did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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