New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
