You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
