Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
