The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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