I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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