Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
