there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize