47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Text me some of your sweat
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
