i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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