my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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