How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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