Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
