He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
