If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
