Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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