nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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