Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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