Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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