we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
