Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
pray to the hookup gods
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
