I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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